Tuesday, May 19, 2009

my walk

For months now, I have wanted to sit down and write about what God is doing in my life, in my heart… His work in me. I feel overwhelmed each time I start my mental list of areas he is convicting me on. Basically , He is teaching me how to really love HIM. He is teaching me how to really love others and how to serve. I’m still struggling with faith only because He has blessed me beyond imagination and really, when I think about it, it’s harder to live by faith when things are going so well.

First off, I’m so very BUSY, BUSY, BUSY!
It’s easy to fill my life up with so many things, especially with my babies. Then, give God whatever is left.

Hosea 13:6 says, “When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me.”

God gets a scrap or two only because we feel guilty for giving Him nothing. A mumbled 1 minute prayer at the end of the day over dinner. It’s like, “Here, fetch, God.” So much of my life, I have given THE MOST HIGH GOD scraps. I felt no shame. I took my eyes off of scripture and compared myself to others. Well, at least I’m not doing such and such. The bones I threw at God had more meat on them than others threw so I thought I was doing fine. Obviously, it’s not what I advertise, but what I am REALLY made of that counts.

I’m learning that God measures my life by how I love; how I love Him and how I love others. Paul wrote, “I have all faith so as to move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”

Recently I did a little exercise. I’ll share it.
Read this:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, endures all things. Love never ends… faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
– 1st Corinthians 13:4-8, 13

Take the phrase love is patient and substitute your name for the word love. For me, “Sarah is patient…” Read through the whole thing. By the end I felt like such a failure.

A few weeks ago, I shared with a friend how difficult it has been to serve others with two little children. Besides cooking a meal for someone in need, visiting a nursing home friend on occasion, and opening my home for showers, parties, dinners, etc… I feel so limited. She told me that when my children are little, my priorities should be to serve them. She suggested that the recipes I double should not be given away, but should be frozen and saved for my own family so I can have a night off from cooking. I get so much joy from serving others. In fact, when life is hardest, you can find me in my kitchen…. making a meal for someone. That is where God meets me, every time. I never neglect my own family to serve another. Instead, I see the opportunity to show my children what servant-hood looks like. Thomas knows how to help me bag dinner up. He loves being part of the whole thing and Catherine is along for the ride, but will one day enjoy it, too.

In Matthew 16:24-25, Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose his, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." And in Luke 14:33, He says, “Any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.”
“Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” James 4:17

“For God so loved the world, He gave….” John 3:16
Right there, we see the connection between loving and giving.

I don’t see serving as a burden. I just love loving God by loving His people.
(Matthew 13:44; John 15:8)

Here is the other thing that has been on my mind. “Without faith, it is impossible to please God…” Hebrews 11:6

What am I doing right now that requires faith? Honestly, very little.



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